So, after all this time, this is what we are reduced to.

I tried. I really did. But you will never realize the lengths I went to.

You will (and you have) told your "friends" how horrible, stubborn and selfish i was.

Your "friends" tell you "she wasn't worth it." "I never really liked her to begin with." 

but, who else was there to listen to you when you had problems? when you were stressed out? 

excuse me for thinking i could come to you for the same.

excuse me for having a mind of my own, an opinion, and ideas, dreams. 

I can't hate you, because deep in my heart i know that i still love you. How can I not love you? I gave you almost a tenth of my life. 

I am saddened to see the TRUE you coming out, and in a way, I'm relieved. Relieved that I don't have to put up with that anymore.

This past month without you, while I've missed you, it's been, different. I've been doing a LOT to keep busy. I'm working on making a better me.

Working hard at making the situation better.

I'm gonna show everyone. but mostly im going to prove to you that i am NOT that unhappy person you think I am.

Maybe, and excuse me for going out on a limb here, the reason i always seemed so unhappy is because YOU were never happy. and your unhappiness towards the world rubbed off on me. 

#dontbringmedown  

 

אני יושב זה אם אני נשאר עמך, לבד זה שאלה של זמן פוגע בך שוב.



היום הוא \ שהיא הלכה להיות יום יפה, אבל, זה לא היה כה.


סיבה אחרת לשאני לא אוהב את היום של האמאות.



זכרון אחר למשהו שאני מעולם לא אהיה. משהו שאני מעולם לא אשיג.



אתה לא מבין אותי. כ/כפי? כ/כפי שאתה תבין את הכאב שלי?

בשבילך רציני אבל שמח בלי לדעת שהוא \ שהיא ילד. אתה מפחד. 

אני לא אומר שאני לא מפחד. בכוונה, אותי ט. רציני מישהו שצריך להטעין עם התינוק לתשעה חודשים.

זה מסוכן. יש הרבה סכנה. אבל להיות אמא, זאת היתה הקרבת  הכל.



אני עומד לבכות. אם אתה תעזוב, וטו. היוה את ג'אאגאס איתי. כבר אומר לאחת ולתמיד זה אלי. 

אבל, אם אתה תשאר, צריכים לדבר. יש דברים שאתה צריך להבין.

תפור שהם הפרע לי. ברצינות. 

השתניתי כ"כ הרבה לתת לך, אני אוהב. יש דברים שאני עזבתי לכזה שאתה לא מפריע לעצמך. 

אני על להיות כל זה שהאתה שלך רוצה. 

אבל אתה לא

i find it amusing that you are bragging to everyone who will listen. 

i have been forgotten. that's ok. at least i don't get all the hate mail or any of the drama. 

anyway....the bigger they are....the harder they fall.

and that's all i have to say about you. 

good luck in all your endeavors.

****************************************************************

I've returned to school. One class right now. but working hard at getting to where i want to be.

i should be doing homework right now. but i haven't updated here...and thought that i should.

wouldn't want my readers to think i  had gone.

***************************************************************

did something today that i had been trying to do, but for one reason or another never did. 

things are going to be different now. 

i am sure of it.

only positive things from now on. i'm leaving the negativity behind.

all you haters can go take a walk.

**************************************************************

i am working with another person now. i have confidence that this person will not treat me like the last. 

i need to sit down, re-evaluate what it was i did wrong last time, and better prepare myself to not do that again.

*******************************************************************************

How does one learn to be more assertive, without being a bitch? I sometimes feel like I am too nice, too eager to help.

it gives folks the impression that I am easy to take advantage of.